I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
