I can text with my tongue
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
