Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
