and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
