I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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