You're my little dorito
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
