that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
