The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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