I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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