Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
