I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
