Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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