Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
