I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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