Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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