I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
