im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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