You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
