My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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