You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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