if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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