Yo dont text me then not text me
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
