Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
