someone threw a dead crab at me
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
We need to rekindle our bromance
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
