I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
