I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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