whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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