True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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