it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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