I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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