I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
