actually, I'm a sock model
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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