We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize