are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize