The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
