Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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