ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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