puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
