Nicole vs. Life
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
