the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
