My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
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