I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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