Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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