I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
