so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
