So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize