If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
