Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize