so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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