There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
