I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
