I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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