I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
40s are totally the cure
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
