Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
