I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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