so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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