I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
