note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
