the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize