i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
