We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
