you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
