Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
with your own penis?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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