Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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