dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
