Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
