so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Your penis caused this!
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