I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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