i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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