I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
