I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
