Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
