A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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