At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
