i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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