We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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