I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
