just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
