He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
