I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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