YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
