Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
