Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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