I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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