I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Randomize
