IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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