I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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