So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
