My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
