first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
