Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize