Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
