Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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