I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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