Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
