I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
