I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
