He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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