1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
